Five Love Languages: Quality Time
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Welcome to Spotlight. I'm Marina Santee.
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And I'm Adam Navis. Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
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For many years, Dr. Chapman has studied how people communicate love to each other. And he offers suggestions to people about how to love each other better. He calls these "love languages". In an earlier program, we talked about the first love language: kind words. Today's Spotlight is on the second love language: quality time.
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One day John* and Sara* came to visit Dr. Chapman. There were unhappy in their marriage. They would disagree about everything. And they were arguing a lot. They did not enjoy their time together anymore. They believed that they did not love each other anymore.
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Dr. Chapman offered them some advice. He told them to start saying kind words to each other. He told John to tell Sara that she looked beautiful or to thank Sara for all the things she did. And Dr. Chapman told Sara to do the same. When John helped around the house or did a good job, Sara was to say thank you to John. Sara was to tell John that she appreciated the work he did.
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Sara and John did this every day for two months. They worked very hard to say kind words to each other. Their marriage started to improve little by little. But, there was one small problem.
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Dr. Chapman met with John and Sara separately after two months. He asked each of them how their marriage was. John was very happy. He said that Sara's kind words had made him feel wanted, needed, and loved. He said that he felt like a man again. But, when Dr. Chapman met with Sara, he found that she felt different. She was not as happy as John. John had been giving her many kind words. And Sara did like to hear those words from John. But, something was still missing for Sara. She felt like she needed more than just kind words.
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Today's Spotlight continues our series on love languages.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman identifies five different ways to show love. These are the five love languages, according to Dr. Chapman.
Kind words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
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Through many years of research Dr. Chapman has found that all people do not feel and receive love in the same way. He believes that to really express love to others, you must know their love language. It is important to know how they most feel love.
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In our story it is clear that John and Sara do not speak the same love language. John feels love when Sara gives him kind words. But, Sara needs something else to feel loved by John. What is it? Here is what Sara told Dr. Chapman.
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"Doctor, our marriage has improved some. John is giving me kind words of affirmation like you suggested ... But, he is still not spending any time with me. He is still so busy at work that we never have time together."
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Sara's main love language is quality time. She feels the most love when people spend time with her.
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Spending quality time with someone means giving that person your attention. That is, your mind and thoughts should be on that person, and not on something else. Dr. Chapman says,
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"By 'quality time', I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I do not mean sitting on the couch watching television together. When you spend time together that way, the television has your attention, not the other person. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the television off, looking at each other and talking..."
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Part of quality time is quality communication. This is different than giving kind words of affirmation. Quality communication means that you are being a good listener. You are asking how someone feels. You are giving sympathy towards someone who is having a bad day. You are not interrupting by stopping the other person from talking. And you are not trying to solve another person's problems. You are simply listening and expressing that you understand.
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But the other part of quality time, is actually about the time you spend together. Imagine how you feel when a friend comes to visit you. It probably makes you feel happy. When someone takes time to spend with you it means they love you very much!
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Spending quality time with people means that you do the things that they like to do. It does not mean doing the things that you like to do. If your friend does not like sports, then do not ask him to go to a football game. Instead, ask your friend what he likes to do. And then, do that. That tells your friend that you care about him.
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One product of spending quality time with someone is good memories. In years ahead, you can remember the good times you had together. Those good memories represent times when you shared true love. Spending quality time with someone is one way to express love that lasts and lasts.
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Dr. Chapman leaves us today with these thoughts about today's love language.
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"And where do we find time for such activities...? We make time just as we make time to prepare lunch or dinner. Why? Because it is just as important to our friendships and marriages as meals are to our health. Is it difficult to make quality time for someone? Does it take careful planning? Yes! Does it mean we have to give up some individual activities? Maybe. Does it mean we do some things we do not particularly enjoy? Of course! Is it worth it? You better believe it! What is in it for me? The knowledge of having a friend, a husband, or a wife who feels loved."
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According to Dr. Chapman there are five love languages. People feel love in different ways. We have already described two of these love languages - kind words of affirmation and quality time. In the next program about love languages we will describe the third, receiving gifts.
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The writer of today's program was Rebekah Schipper. The producer was Michio Ozaki. All quotes were adapted and voiced by Spotlight. Computer users can visit our website at http://www.radio.english.net. Today's program is called "The Five Love Languages: Quality Time."
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If you have a comment or a question for Spotlight, please contact us. Our email address is radio@english.net. Or, you can leave a comment on the script page for this program on our website. We hope you can join us again for the next Spotlight program. Goodbye!
*These names have been changed to protect privacy.
Comments
datvimaru50 said on August 20, 2010
Thanks for your entry. I and my girlfriend now live far from each other. I live in Hai Phong city and she lives in Ha Noi capital. Thus we don’t have much time together. It seems that our love is fading. I am confused because I don’t know how to make our love become romantic again. I really need your help because I love her so much!
Christy VanArragon said on August 24, 2010
This sounds like a difficult situation. Many people experience this when they live far away from loved ones. I hope that your beautiful posts on “The Sun” program will show her your love. And I encourage you to keep listening to the Love Languages programs. These give many good ideas about showing your love. And maybe Spotlight can do a program in the future about long distance love!
datvimaru50 said on August 24, 2010
thanks a lot!
nhung30891 said on October 09, 2010
I am that girl in the story above. I took everything with nothing sure right now and later will correct it or settlement agreement in accordance with laws of nature than the competition.
My very favorite of you and your character, can not but love
datvimaru50 said on October 10, 2010
Nhung, I don’t understand what you mean. Can you make it more clearly?
Narath said on January 16, 2012
I find that loving someone is very difficult and deep hurt inside if they love only one side it means they do not love each other so what should they do to create the five love languages ? , kind words of affirmation , quality time , receiving gifts , acts of service and physical touch . Cambodia
thanhtran214 said on January 17, 2012
It’s useful to me, Thank ‘s a lot Dr Chapman
Skender said on January 20, 2012
Yes. I read in the past different autors, and their advices are almost the same as doctor Chapman. Other autors for instance sugested not just turn off tv, but going outside, taking a trip, leaving home and children for a couple of week, etc.I didn’t read doctor Chapman’s book. Maybe that book contain more detailed advices. Nevertheles I got the meaning of quality time, so it is well written and read by spotlight’s staf. Thank you very much.
Skender from Albania
munazzanouman said on January 21, 2012
your effort is really marvelous,it will solve the problems of many.you are peace spreader in the community.optimistic approach is prevailing because of such sorts of text.this idea of love language was always in my mind,but i was not having the appropriate words to express that,your effort gave the physique to my fake images.i was used to say that every person is having a remote and your right click always works but the matter is to find his/her remote. thanks .may God bless you.
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